...growth.

May 09, 2016

...growth.

I'm turning twenty in 14 days. I guess two decades just makes a person think about where they've come from and where they're going. Here we are.

One year, four months, and a handful of days ago, I cut off all of my hair.

Okay, I didn't cut it all off. I kept a few inches.

Sixteen months later, most of my hair is back where it used to be. I can braid it again. It gets in the way too much and I'm tempted to cut it all off again, until I look in a mirror. Am I so vain? Probably.

Sixteen months later, I am not the same person I once was.

I've done some things I would regret if I was the kind of person who held regrets. I've wasted a lot of time. I've run a couple thousand miles. I've traveled across the country. I've made so many friends. I've recommitted my life to God. I've read, and listened, and prayed.

I dyed my hair blue. I went for a couple swims, and climbed a couple mountains. I transferred schools. I got a job. I got a parking ticket. My train of thought ran off its tracks a few hundred times. I ran some more miles.

I dreamed. I slept too much. I laughed. I cried. I wrote things on walls.

I learned a lot. I learned that 27 straight hours of driving between two people is okay on Day 2 of a roadtrip, but not Day 13. I learned about decision making and electrical circuits and Confucianism. I learned a lot of names. I remembered some of them. I learned how to speak to strangers with more confidence.

Some things I'm still learning.

How to keep my eyes up. How to remember to pray. How to be disciplined; how to loosen up. The lyrics to new songs. How to eat like a college student. How to find a place to live. How to make big decisions. How to get to know a person genuinely, honestly.

I might cut my hair off again. I might not. Either way it'll probably keep growing. But I do know I'll keep my faith in God, and trust him no matter what I look like, or what anything around me looks like. His plan is better than my own. And that's fine.